Tuesday, March 2, 2010

My Himalayan Salt Lamp

It emits a pleasant glow and is an interesting gadget to talk about. Of course, I didn't believe it would remove all dust and pollutants and alleviate allergies, asthma, etc. Nor is it credible that it would boost my immune system, speed the heeling of my wounds, increase my alertness, improve my sleep and cognitive abilities or help reduce my anxiety. All those supposed benefits were clearly exaggerations or, more credibly, total fantasy.

Still, one can't rule out the possibilities until one tries it out. Thus, the first night it glowed pleasantly in my bedroom all night long, and I slept peacefully, looking forward to a morning when I would be transformed from groggy old lady to alert, productive and highly focused old lady. Morning arrived, and there was no perceptible improvement in any of these areas.

Within a short time after retiring the next night to my room full of negative ions, I developed a stomach ache, which by midnight evolved into a solid bout of stomach flu. Afraid these lamp ions might have been a bit too negative, I turned off my new salt lamp and slept the better part of the next day and night with whatever positive or neutral ions might yet remain. Sleep, as we know, has great restorative powers, even in an atmosphere of positive ions.

People who have heretofore respected my level of common sense and intelligence are, I'm sure, asking themselves, "What was she thinking?" Actually, I thought it would be a good joke, which in fact it is. Now that I've tested it, I have thought it would be sensible not to tell anyone about it. Ridicule is such a hurtful thing. Yet, my innate habit of candor and openness has prevailed.

Now you realize the lengths to which I will go to have something to write on my blog. I don't recommend that you rush out and buy one for yourself. Perhaps, that goes without saying.


  1. I bought this beautiful copper ring once. Now it didn't claim to make ME look more beautiful but I thought it gave me a certain something...

    But whenever I wore it - I realized I felt awful. Now I am not sure that ring had anything to do with it - but I haven't worn it since.

    Funny that the lamp was supposed to help you and instead seems to have coincided with an awful case of the yucks. Makes you wonder - doesn't it?

    We are into March and have hovered around 40 degrees all week. So I am thinking it is about time to come back to the Nort' Country!

    Oh and by the way - I think your candor is refreshing and it makes me giggle. (Not in a ridiculing way - in a 'yep I can relate' kind of way)

    Take care and maybe that lamp could be put up for auction?

  2. Auction - wow - what do you think we could get for it at our annual Gala? If only no one told them it seems to have brought on a bout of the "yucks" as you put it.